Blue Box Bad
by secooper87
Summary: Buffy discovers her secret jealousy of the TARDIS.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This has to be one of my favorite Doctor-Buffy stories ever. It completely cracks me up.

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><p>The Trio of Hell were still at large, and Buffy was a cavewoman.<p>

Neither of which had anything to do with each other, except that Willow happened to be thinking them both right now. Somewhere out there, three demons more evil than anything Buffy or the Scoobies had faced before were feasting on human innards, while Buffy got drugged out on bewitched beer which had devolved her into a monosyllabic cave-woman.

Not that Buffy had been much help, anyways, even before the beer. No, every time they brought up the Trio of Hell — Buffy, the world's in danger and people are dying and you're the Slayer, why aren't you doing anything? — Buffy would go into serious defend-the-Doctor mode. Because, obviously, they should all be _thanking_ the jerk who'd released the Trio of Hell onto the Earth.

Buffy, at the moment, wasn't really in a position to think about the Trio of Hell. She kept pounding the ground with her fist, then sniffing the rug of their dorm. Willow had no idea why Buffy was doing it, but she was pretty sure whoever was in the dorm downstairs was going to come up any minute now and shout at them.

"Okay, Buffy," said Willow, coming over and putting her hands on Buffy's shoulders. "I think it's time for bed."

Buffy stopped pounding the carpet. She wriggled out of Willow's grip, and looked up at her, saying nothing.

Then she caught sight of the cave paintings she'd drawn on the wall of her dorm room earlier that night. Buffy picked up a pencil from the desk beside her, lumbered over, crawling across her bed, then started in again, adding stick figures to the wall.

Willow stepped in and tried to get the pencil away from Buffy. "Buffy, I really don't think that's such a good—"

Buffy looked over her shoulder and growled at Willow. Willow stepped back, her arms raised in a sign of surrender. "Okay, fine, go ahead," said Willow. "Just don't blame me when you get the bill at the end of the year."

Buffy stopped drawing, all at once, her head snapping towards the window. She seemed mildly confused, but with a vague sense of excitement. "Fuzzy," she said.

Willow looked over to the window, but she had absolutely no clues as to what Buffy could possibly be referring to. "What's fuzzy, Buffy?"

"Head," said Buffy. She scratched her head. "Like it. Fuzzy."

"Your head feels fuzzy?"

"Warm fuzzy," said Buffy. "Feels good."

At least this particular feeling was a normal side effect of alcohol consumption. Willow thought that was a good sign. "Maybe you should go to bed," Willow recommended.

"No!" shouted Buffy. She leapt off her bed, and started towards the door. "More fuzzy."

Willow tried to pull her back. "No, Buffy, no more beer," said Willow. "Beer bad, remember?"

"No beer," said Buffy, shrugging Willow off as if she were a loose-fitting sweater. "Warm fuzzy."

Willow just barely got to her feet in time to see Buffy bolting out the door. Willow ran after her, down the hall. "Buffy, wait!"

But Buffy was already gone.

Willow went back into the dorm. The Trio of Hell was still out there, and if they found Buffy in this condition — yeah, that would be bad. Willow picked up the phone. She needed to get some help.


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy had find Warm Fuzzy.

He hummed in mind. Felt nice. Like sun on cold winter day, like happy thoughts that break through tears. Buffy feel. In mind. Bright. Happy. Shining. He was Warm Fuzzy. Buffy liked Warm Fuzzy.

But Buffy liked Warm Fuzzy close. Why he so far away? Why he always far away? Buffy wanted Warm Fuzzy. Why he always run away from her? Warm Fuzzy afraid? No. Warm Fuzzy never afraid bad things. Warm Fuzzy afraid Buffy? Warm Fuzzy no like Buffy? Buffy want Warm Fuzzy like Buffy. Why everyone think Buffy bad? Buffy no want be bad.

Buffy sad. Need Warm Fuzzy. Warm Fuzzy make Buffy happy. So Buffy search across campus.

Then…

Buffy stopped. It was not Warm Fuzzy. No. In trees. There. She saw.

Blue Box.

Blue Box that take Warm Fuzzy away. Blue Box that keep Warm Fuzzy from Buffy. Blue Box bad. Blue Box sang pretty to Warm Fuzzy. Blue Box sang _too_ pretty to Warm Fuzzy. Blue Box thought Warm Fuzzy hers. Warm Fuzzy Buffy's. Not Blue Box's. Buffy mad.

Buffy gave Blue Box angry stare. Growled. Hissed at Blue Box. Blue Box not flinch. Blue Box not scared Buffy. Buffy teach Blue Box. Buffy make sure Blue Box learn lesson. Buffy charged at Blue Box. Scratched at outside. Hit. Kick. Tried to bite Blue Box. Buffy attack until tired. But Blue Box not hurt. Blue Box not damaged.

Blue Box evil.

Only evil things not hurt when Buffy hit them. Buffy knew. Blue Box evil. Blue Box must die. Buffy got sticks. Pointy sticks. Blue Box not human, Blue Box able to think, Blue Box not harmed by hitting. Unhuman thinking strong things become dust with pointy sticks. Unhuman thinking strong things always become dust with pointy sticks. Buffy charge at Blue Box with pointy stick.

Stick break. Blue Box still there.

Buffy try again. Blue Box still there. Why Blue Box not dust? Blue Box supposed to be dead. Blue Box should be dead. Why Blue Box not dead yet? Buffy kick Blue Box again, claw at Blue Box again.

"Combined hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door," said a voice behind her. "Although, admittedly, they didn't try to use wooden stakes."

Buffy stopped. Turned. Warm Fuzzy. Warm Fuzzy here. Warm Fuzzy close. Close enough to touch. Close enough to hold. Close enough for good feeling in head. But not close enough for Buffy.

Buffy pounced.

Warm Fuzzy cried out. Buffy not care. Buffy tackled Warm Fuzzy to ground. Curled up around him. Buffy happy. Buffy liked Warm Fuzzy. Warm Fuzzy nice. Buffy put ear against his chest. Two hearts. Pretty rhythm. Buffy breathed. Breathed air. No. Breathed _him_.

Buffy frowned. Never noticed how nice it was hold Warm Fuzzy. Never noticed Warm Fuzzy smell like moonlight. Never noticed how own heart beat faster around Warm Fuzzy. Never noticed how head felt when this close. Felt good. Felt very good. Buffy wanted more. Now.

"Want," she said.

Warm Fuzzy stared. "Yes, I can see that," he said. "Tell you what, why don't I give you the key, and you can get inside the Tardis yourself? I've got a very nice medical infirmary in there that I'd love to introduce you to."

Buffy looked up. Blue Box! He not want Buffy. He want Blue Box. Why he not want Buffy? Why Blue Box better than Buffy? Blue Box not pretty. Blue Box not squishy. Blue Box not true to Warm Fuzzy. Blue Box flew for anyone. Blue Box a whore.

"No Blue Box!" whined Buffy, raising head off chest. "Blue Box bad."

"Sorry?"

"Blue Box bad," Buffy explained.

"Well, granted, there are always certain dangers that accompany time travel, but the old girl and I have been through a lot together. I think we can handle it."

"No!" said Buffy. Buffy grab Warm Fuzzy jacket. Shake him. Stare into eyes. Must make understand. Important make understand. "Blue Box not human. Blue Box bad."

Warm Fuzzy blinked. "Well, if you look at it that way, I suppose it has a certain logic to it. But then, I'm not exactly human myself—"

Buffy frustrated. "You good!" shouted Buffy. "Blue Box bad!"

"Elizabeth, listen, you're clearly not feeling yourself," said Warm Fuzzy, coaxing Buffy hands off jacket. "I need to understand what's been done so I can reverse the damage. The equipment in the Tardis should be enough to make a full diagnosis. If you won't come inside, I can bring the equipment out here. Would that make you more comfortable?"

Buffy threw arms around Warm Fuzzy. "No go in Blue Box!" she cried. "Blue Box take you away."

"Oh," said Warm Fuzzy. "Oh."

"No leave."

"I… I promise I won't leave," said Warm Fuzzy. "Tell you what? I'll bring you into the Tardis, and you'll make sure I don't leave. How about that?"

Buffy shake head. Bury head in chest. "Blue Box make you leave. Blue Box bad."

"Well, I suppose you might look at it that way," said Warm Fuzzy. "Although, technically, I'm the one making her leave. But I won't leave, this time. Promise."

"Always leave," said Buffy. "Always leave Buffy. Not want Buffy. Want Blue Box."

Warm Fuzzy hearts beat faster. Warm Fuzzy laugh. "Elizabeth, are you jealous of my ship?"

"Want stay," said Buffy. Squeezed as tight as could. "No leave."

"Not leaving," said Warm Fuzzy. "Certainly not leaving. Not trying to get into the Tardis to leave. Just run a diagnosis. Establish whether this condition of yours is viral, psychic, or the product of some external substance. And, um, not to put too fine a point on it, but I will need to breathe again, at some point in the near future. Respiratory bypass only does so much."

Buffy loosened arms. Warm Fuzzy breathed. Buffy breathed. She liked breathing Warm Fuzzy. Wanted to breathe more Warm Fuzzy.

"Thank you," said Warm Fuzzy.

"No Blue Box," insisted Buffy.

"Right," said Warm Fuzzy. "Yes. Course not. Better go for plan B, then."

Buffy feel Warm Fuzzy move. Then hear buzzing sound by ear. Buffy swatted buzz. Bugs buzzed. Buffy no like bugs.

"Yes, sorry about the noise," said Warm Fuzzy. "Just scanning for psychic interferences. Neurological impairments, psychic pattern arrays, that sort of thing."

Buffy hear buzz again. Buzz loud. Buzz make teeth rattle. Buzzy bug make Buffy angry. Buffy no like buzzy bug. Buffy grabbed buzzy bug, threw away. Buzz sound stopped. Buffy win. Beat back bug. Buffy grinned at Warm Fuzzy. "Bug bad," she said.

Warm Fuzzy sighed. "Well, it's not a psychic field," he said. "Although I suppose there isn't really any point in continuing the examination, now that you've thrown away the sonic. Listen, Elizabeth, you do understand me, right?"

Buffy nodded.

"And you do know that I'm here to help?"

Buffy nodded.

"In which case, Elizabeth, I would like it very much if you would do something for me. Just an itty bitty little favor. Do you think you could do that?"

Buffy nodded.

"Would you please let me stand up?"


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Okay, before everyone hates me for this, I just want to point out something vitally, vitally important.

When Buffy's told to stop, she stops.

(She might not understand what she's doing, or what's going on, but she does stop.)

* * *

><p>Buffy frowned. "Why want stand up?"<p>

"Well, because I would like to look for my sonic screwdriver, for one," explained Warm Fuzzy. "And I would like to find out what's wrong with you, so I can cure it."

"Something wrong Buffy?"

"Well, you usually do seem to understand that basic English sentence structure consists of a subject and a verb," said Warm Fuzzy. "A particular concept which has been eluding you for the past few minutes."

"Buffy bad?"

"Sorry?"

"You say Buffy bad."

"Did I say that? Really don't think I did. Actually, normally, you're quite brilliant. Which is why it is a wee bit disconcerting to find you reduced to monosyllabic grunting."

"Buffy good?"

Warm Fuzzy laughed. Rumble through chest nice against Buffy cheek. "Not good," he said. "The very best."

That make Buffy happy. "Fuzzy good, too. Buffy like Fuzzy."

"Fuzzy? Sorry, am I fuzzy, now? Didn't think I was fuzzy. Least, not last time I checked. Never been fuzzy before."

"You Warm Fuzzy," said Buffy. Tapped side of own head. "In here."

Warm Fuzzy took in sharp breath. "Ah," he said. "That."

Buffy snuggled closer. "Soft," she said. Looked up at face. Nice eyes. Never noticed eyes. Never noticed little freckles on face. Never noticed dimples. Wanted more Warm Fuzzy. Took hand in hers. Felt tingling in head. Happy tingling. Buffy liked tingling. Wanted more tingling. Buffy reached for tingling in head.

Warm Fuzzy scuttled back on ground. Out of Buffy arms. "That's definitely not right," Warm Fuzzy gasped. "You shouldn't be able to do that."

Warm Fuzzy breathing harder, now. Why Warm Fuzzy breathing hard? Buffy tried to grab Warm Fuzzy again. Warm Fuzzy jump to feet, and dodge. Buffy jump to feet, too. Why Fuzzy dodge?

"Better get you into the Tardis infirmary right away," said Warm Fuzzy, digging key out of pocket. "Sooner you're past this… affliction, the better." Under breath, muttered, "for both of us."

Warm Fuzzy turned towards Blue Box.

"No!" shouted Buffy. Buffy dove at Warm Fuzzy. Grabbed key. Threw far away. No more key. No more Blue Box. Now Warm Fuzzy couldn't leave.

Warm Fuzzy gaped at her. Not able to speak.

"Blue Box bad," Buffy insisted.

"No, no, the Tardis isn't bad. Throwing away the key to the Tardis is bad. No, scratch that. It's catastrophic." Warm Fuzzy pushed hand through hair. Buffy never noticed hair, either. Buffy liked bouncy hair. "I better go find it."

Buffy growled at Blue Box. No, Warm Fuzzy not going to get back to Blue Box. Warm Fuzzy not Blue Box's. Warm Fuzzy Buffy's. Buffy protect Warm Fuzzy from evil Blue Box. It Buffy job.

Buffy grabbed Warm Fuzzy, hauled him over shoulder, and ran. Ran from Blue Box. Evil Blue Box. Evil Blue Box that tried steal Warm Fuzzy. But no. Blue Box not getting Warm Fuzzy. Buffy need Warm Fuzzy. Buffy clung Warm Fuzzy tighter.

As run, Buffy felt something nice in head. Nice like kitty. Gave it mental snuggle. Pet it.

Warm Fuzzy gasp.

"Elizabeth, just wait a…" Warm Fuzzy trailed off, as Buffy pet the mental nice thing again. He breathed harder. Buffy heard his hearts — pretty sounding hearts — pounding faster against Buffy shoulder. "Don't… definitely don't do that."

Buffy not understand. Buffy not doing anything. Buffy kept running. Want Warm Fuzzy away from Blue Box. Buffy need save Fuzzy.

"Listen, I'm perfectly willing to walk, but it really is important I get my Tardis key back and… you really do have no idea what you're doing telepathically, do you?"

"Buffy protect Fuzzy," said Buffy.

"I mean, really, the only person who'd even know about half this sort of thing would be me, and I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have told…." His breath hitched. "Just, Elizabeth, please, put me down."

Buffy stopped running. Looked at Warm Fuzzy. Why his face all red? "Fuzzy upset?"

"I'm just trying to stop this from turning into something that it's—" Warm Fuzzy eyes widen, voice go higher "—not, definitely not!" Warm Fuzzy struggle. "Elizabeth, please."

Buffy examine Warm Fuzzy. Warm Fuzzy look scared. Warm Fuzzy look terrified. Terrified of Buffy? "Fuzzy no like Buffy?"

"I just think it would be best if we stopped… touching… for the moment," said Warm Fuzzy.

Buffy sad. Buffy very sad. Buffy put down Warm Fuzzy. "No one like Buffy," said Buffy. She turned, walked away. "Buffy go away, now."

"Elizabeth, I didn't—"

"Buffy," said Buffy, turning back to face him. "Me Buffy."

Warm Fuzzy hesitated. "Please don't make me call you that. Not now."

"Me Buffy," said Buffy, pounding her chest. "Not Elizabeth. You like Elizabeth. You no like Buffy."

"No; I mean, yes, I liked Elizabeth, but I also like you," said Warm Fuzzy. "I just don't like when something alters your brain chemistry so that you act on primal urges that aren't even native to this planet. And it worries me when I feel you doing certain… things telepathically that you shouldn't be able to do. You're acting on a primal telepathic instinct you don't understand, and it's going to lead somewhere you really don't want it to lead."

Buffy blinked. "You like Buffy?"

"Yes," said Warm Fuzzy. "I do. I rather think that's the problem."

"Why?"

"Because you're not in your right mind at the moment," said Warm Fuzzy. "And if we continue like this, I don't think I'd be able to stop — look, Elizabeth—"

"Buffy."

"—I can't let this happen. Not again. I don't want to hurt you."

Buffy confused. "You not hurt Buffy."

"But I will. If this happens, I will."

"You hurt Buffy like Parker?"

Warm Fuzzy blinked. "Sorry, like whom?"

"Parker bad."

"Right. Parker bad. I see. Just, bit of clarification. Would that be 'Blue Box' bad or 'evil demon monster bent on destroying the world' bad?"

"Parker bad," Buffy repeated. Warm Fuzzy supposed to be smart. Why these things so hard for Warm Fuzzy to understand?

"Yes, got that bit. Actually more concerned with whether or not this particular Parker fellow happens to be responsible for this… condition of yours, and if I should be doing something astoundingly clever to foil his evil plans."

"Buffy like Parker," said Buffy. "Buffy and Parker together. Buffy and Parker love. That when Parker hurt Buffy."

Warm Fuzzy froze. "Ah."

Buffy stare at Warm Fuzzy. "You hurt Buffy like Parker?"

"Worse," said Warm Fuzzy. "Far, far worse."

Buffy feel faint. Hard to speak. Something in throat. Buffy swallowed. "Why you want hurt Buffy?"

"I don't — Elizabeth, I'm not trying to hurt you," said Warm Fuzzy. "In fact, I want very much not to hurt you. That's why I'm trying to fix you before any of this goes too far. Because I'm… not good. I'm bad."

"Fuzzy bad?"

"Terrible," said Warm Fuzzy. "So much worse than you could even imagine. The things I've done — the things I could do to you — you have no idea what might happen if this went any further."

"But Fuzzy good," said Buffy.

"No," said Warm Fuzzy. "Believe me. I'm not."

Buffy frown. She step forward. Put hand on Warm Fuzzy chest. "Not good," she said. "Very best."


	4. Chapter 4

Warm Fuzzy have wet looking eyes. Why water in eyes?

"Fuzzy sad?" asked Buffy.

Warm Fuzzy blinked. "No, no, course not," he said. "You're just, well, remarkable. Far more remarkable than I ever thought." Hearts speed up.

"Why Buffy make you sad?" said Buffy.

"You… you don't make me sad," said Warm Fuzzy. Grinned. "See? Not sad. Absolutely, completely, certainly not—"

"Fuzzy always sad," said Buffy. "Always more sad when see Buffy." Felt tear in eye. "Why Fuzzy come see Buffy when Buffy make Fuzzy sad?"

Warm Fuzzy blew breath out of cheeks. "It's… complicated," confessed Warm Fuzzy. "Timey whimey, and not exactly on the level, but this is really not a good time to have this conversation." He caught Buffy hand in his. "Listen, Elizabeth—"

"Buffy."

"Elizabeth," said Warm Fuzzy, pointedly. "We're friends. Always. The very best of friends. Nothing will ever change that." Squeezed hand. "You do know that, right?"

Buffy looked down at ground. "Buffy sad," she admitted.

Warm Fuzzy hesitated. "Elizabeth, I didn't mean—"

"When you go away," said Buffy. "Makes Buffy sad."

For a moment, silence. Then nice feeling in head get brighter. Buffy looked up. Warm Fuzzy looking at her. Nice eyes. Chocolate eyes.

"I'll stay," he said. "I'm not leaving until you're back to normal. I promise."

"You really like Buffy?" asked Buffy. "Not Elizabeth? Me? Buffy?"

Warm Fuzzy smiled. "Yes," he said. "I really do like Buffy."

Buffy felt entire world shift as heard name. Name made everything about Warm Fuzzy nicer. Name made want touch Warm Fuzzy again. She threw arms around him. Fuzzy arms around her, too. Buffy liked. Holding good.

Hum in Buffy's head prettier. Flowed through mind like music. Pretty music, dancy music. Buffy reached for music. Wanted to taste it. Wanted to feel notes gliding across tongue. Wanted to feel every beat of rhythm running down throat. Licked music.

Warm Fuzzy hearts beat louder, face went red.

Warm Fuzzy pulled away, hands on Buffy arms. "Yes, actually, probably should stay in our own heads," he said. "What with the massive temporal anomaly and the lack of understanding in terms of psychic etiquette and—"

In Buffy head, music sang. Soft and gentle. Nice. Soothing. Buffy follow music. Need more. Follow music. Must have more pretty. Must have more…

Wow.

Buffy mind in new place. Place warm and bright. It shine. Like light scare monsters away. Music danced around her. Buffy not want leave new place. Buffy want stay new place. Buffy open eyes outside head. See Warm Fuzzy.

Warm Fuzzy stare at her. Fingers clutch Buffy arms. Eyes black.

Buffy mind go further into brightness. Buffy step into music. Feel notes. Feel melodies. One tune, far down, so much more beautiful than others. Buffy catch it. Not tune. Name. Buffy feel word glow. Name make Buffy happy. Buffy want Warm Fuzzy happy to. Warm Fuzzy always sad. Buffy make Fuzzy happy.

So Buffy sang name to Warm Fuzzy.

And that was when he kissed her.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Two chapters today! Because they're both pretty short, and it's my birthday, so I'm feeling generous.

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><p>Willow shone her flashlight around the trees.<p>

"Are you sure this is where she went, Wills?" Xander asked, waving a similar flashlight.

"I don't know!" Willow said. "I just know that one minute, she was drawing on the walls, and the next minute, she was all giggly and running off."

Xander shook his head. "I should never have given her that beer."

"It's hardly your fault," said Giles. "You weren't to know it had been drugged." He shone his flashlight over a patch of ground, and a gleam of silver caught his eyes. "That's strange." He bent down, to pick it up.

"What is it?" asked Willow, moving her flashlight over to him.

Giles twirled the metal object between his fingers. "It's a key," he said. "A small, completely ordinary-looking key."

"Yeah?" asked Xander. "Well, I've got something here that's not so ordinary." He picked up a small metal tube, and dangled it from his fingers.

"I said ordinary-looking," Giles pointed out.

Willow peered at the object Xander was holding. "What's that?" she asked.

"No idea," said Xander. He tried pressing the button, and the tip lit up blue, producing a high pitched buzzing noise. Willow and Giles covered their ears, and Xander took his hand off the button. "Oh," he said. "It's an Annoyinator. Guaranteed to annoy you through all your lifelong days."

"You'd better give it here," said Giles, extending his hand. "Undoubtedly, both of these objects are here for a reason, and objects containing these sorts of ancient, mystical properties—"

"Okay," said Xander. "I was with you until you got to the words ancient and mystical." He raised up the Annoyinator. "This isn't ancient or mystical. It's just annoying."

"Well, I don't know about the Annoyinator," said Willow. "But that key Giles found does sort of emit big time mystical energy. There could be something ancient and powerful going on inside."

"It's clear from the various different properties that both of these items contain mystical powers far in excess of nearly everything we've ever come across," Giles explained. "Powers that, well, quite frankly, shouldn't exist anymore."

"This?" Xander asked again, shaking the Annoyinator.

Willow squinted at it, shining her flashlight at Xander's hand to get a better look. "Does anyone else think the Annoyinator looks weirdly familiar?"

Xander and Giles looked at one another, then back at the Annoyinator. "No," they agreed.

"I'll tell you what, though," said Xander, handing Giles the Annoyinator. "If these are some sort of crazy mystical whatevers, we better make sure that the Trio of Hell doesn't get their hands on them."

"You don't think the Trio of Hell is out here, do you?" Willow asked. "I mean, we haven't heard anything from them since this summer."

"The Demon of Atrozine, the Demon of Tchinolothica, and the Singing Sister of Yardonia are still just as dangerous now as they were before," Giles told them, tucking the items into his coat pocket. "The fact that we've heard nothing from them only makes them more dangerous, because it means they're taking time to regroup."

"Don't you think it's a little weird, though, that Buffy doesn't care about them?" asked Willow. "And there are some other things that sort of don't make sense. Like, why was Buffy so worked up over Parker? I mean, I know he went all one-night-standy on her, but… I don't know. I just get the feeling there's something we're not seeing. You know. Something really big and obvious that's staring us right in the face."

"It is true that Buffy has been under a lot of stress, lately," said Giles. "But college is a new experience for her. Until her life settles down, it's hardly fair for us to…" He trailed off, as he realized Willow had turned away from them, peering into the distance, no longer paying any attention. "Willow?" he asked.

"Staring us right in the face," Willow repeated. She shone her flashlight over at a cluster of trees in the distance, illuminating a tall, blue wooden phone box, nestled between the branches.

Giles and Xander looked over at where Willow was pointing her flashlight, then back at each other.

"Oh, dear," said Giles.


	6. Chapter 6

"That's that thing from last year, right?" Xander asked. "Evil McKilly's Death Machine of Doom?"

"Well, maybe it's not so bad," Willow said. "I mean, Buffy likes him, and he seems sort of okay with Buffy. Maybe he can snap her out of the whole Neolithic thing."

"Much as I admire your optimism," said Giles, "I think that a cavewoman Slayer and a highly unpredictable alien would not be a combination I'd like to test."

"Why?" asked Willow. "What do you think would happen?"

"I honestly haven't a clue," said Giles. "That's why it worries me." He shone the flashlight around the forest. "And they could be anywhere! Lord only knows if we'll ever find them."

"We'd better find them fast," said Xander, "before Evil McKilly starts to go all crazy alien guy on Buffy."

Willow spun around to face Xander. "You… you don't really think he'd hurt Buffy, right?" she asked. She clutched her flashlight a little tighter.

"Willow," said Xander. "He tried to end the world, last summer. I think killing Buffy is the least of his worries."

"Well, yeah," said Willow. "I know he doesn't care if he releases evil Hell demons and stuff, but… well, think about it." She looked from Giles to Xander. "Every time he shows up, he might be all mean and arrogant to us, and he does stuff that we all think is terrible, but he's always really nice to Buffy. And… I think he got her a smoothie, last week."

Xander gave Willow his best 'huh?' face.

"Buffy had trouble figuring out what to do with the cup," Willow said. "Because it was… you know. From the future. I think we decided to bury it."

"One fruit smoothie doesn't make up for Hell demons destroying the world," said Xander.

"I know that," said Willow. "And I'm not saying it does. I'm just saying… I don't think he'd hurt Buffy." She looked over to Giles. "And he's stronger than we are. Maybe she'd be safer with him than with us?"

"It's… possible, I suppose," said Giles. "Buffy certainly seems to trust him, and it is true that I usually defer to her judgment. The problem is that recently, Buffy's behavior around him has become… well, erratic."

"Yeah," said Xander. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't Slayers supposed to be the ones stopping the guys from releasing evil Hell monsters into the world, not helping them?"

"Along with… other incidents," Giles agreed. "It seems that, when the Doctor's around, Buffy is not… well, one could say that Buffy is not exactly herself. And seeing as she confessed that he's been inside her head… rather a lot, it's enough to make me suspicious of exactly how much of that behavior is really coming from Buffy."

Willow had to admit that was a good point. After what had happened this summer, with the Trio of Hell… well, it didn't feel like Buffy. Buffy didn't summon evil Hell demons. And she didn't defend people who did.

But there was still something wrong, something Willow felt she was overlooking. Some niggling sense of trepidation in the back of her head that told her she was missing a really, really obvious detail about this whole thing.

"Willow, didn't you mention, earlier, that Buffy said her head felt funny right before she ran off?" Xander asked.

"Yeah," said Willow.

"I'd say that's hypnosis type stuff, right there," Xander concluded. "I mean, we've all seen her fall under hypnosis things in the past."

"And before he left, Angel did warn me to be cautious about the Doctor," said Giles.

"Well, then what are we waiting for?" Willow asked, as she ran off towards the blue box. "Let's go rescue Buffy!"

The others soon followed.

Willow was the first to get to the blue box. She tried the door, but it wouldn't budge. She tried to force it, but still. Nothing. She leaned against its wooden paneling. Then she realized she could hear something. From not that far away.

Desperate panting. Groaning. A muffled voice that sounded like Buffy.

Willow started to run off towards the sounds, but Giles and Xander caught up with her, and Xander caught her by the arm.

"Will, what is it?" he asked.

"Buffy's hurt!" said Willow. "Can't you hear that?"

"Hear what?" asked Xander.

Giles held out his hand to silence the two of them, and the sounds came in a little louder. Xander's face turned from disbelief to rage.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," he said. He stormed through the cluster of trees, and Willow and Giles chased after him. Xander emerged into a small clearing, where…

Willow stopped in her tracks.

Oh. Okay. Buffy wasn't hurt. Not even remotely. But Willow was guessing she wasn't going to have her clothes on much longer.

It appeared that the Doctor had shown up, noticed that Buffy was drunk, and decided to take advantage. They were sitting in a heap on the ground, kissing and… okay, it was just kissing, but it sure didn't sound like just kissing. It sounded like… things Willow didn't even want to think about. Willow glanced over at Xander and Giles, but it was clear that they were both thinking the same thing.

Xander walked right over, and pried Buffy off of the Doctor. "You," Xander growled. "Stay the hell away from her."

Giles went off and helped Xander restrain Buffy, who whined and squirmed and tried to break free.

"Dark!" she cried. "Too dark!"

The Doctor just sat on the ground, panting heavily, and looking a little too stunned to speak. Well, if no one else was going to do it, Willow might as well do the honors. She walked right up to the Doctor and smacked him across the face.

"You're a jerk!" she shouted.

The Doctor opened his mouth, trying to form words, but nothing came out.

"What?" asked Willow. "Nothing to say for yourself?"

"She needs help," the Doctor said. "There's something terribly wrong—"

Willow smacked him again.

"Ow!" the Doctor yelped. "What was that for?"

"She doesn't need the kind of help you're offering!" Willow shouted. "Now take Xander's advice, and stay away from Buffy!"

Buffy seemed a bit confused by this. She looked from Xander, to Giles, to Willow, and then to the Doctor, and scratched her head. "Why angry?" she asked.

"Because I don't like seeing my friend get raped," said Xander.

Buffy stared at him, blankly.

"We're simply trying to ensure you don't get hurt, Buffy," Giles told her.

"Buffy not hurt," Buffy told them, still confused. "Buffy like."

Willow came over to her. "Buffy, I just watched you cry your eyes out for weeks over Parker," she said. "I'm not letting you do it again over some dirt-bag alien."

Said dirt-bag alien had now made it back to his feet, trying to put himself back in order. He was now only in his shirtsleeves and tie, his suit jacket having been removed during the little kissy session. He draped it across his shoulder, and tried to straighten his tie. Willow considered smacking him again, once more, for good measure.

Buffy looked at Willow. Then she looked at the Doctor. Then she looked back at Willow. She seemed to be trying to come to terms with the fact that Willow's view of the world didn't match her own. Did cavemen understand abstract ideas like that?

"Warm Fuzzy good," Buffy said to Willow, pointedly. Then a dopey grin washed across her face, as her eyes lingered towards the Doctor. "Tastes good."

"What's 'Warm Fuzzy'?" asked Xander.

Giles glared at the Doctor. "I rather think he is."

Willow turned on the Doctor. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing!" the Doctor said. "No, honestly. Nothing. Nothing at all. But there's something terribly, terribly wrong with her, and I have to—"

"You're not doing anything, buddy, you got that?" Xander told him. "Once Buffy's in her right mind, I'm sure she'll be more than happy to beat you senseless for this."

Actually, Willow wasn't sure that was true. The thing was, Buffy seemed very protective of the Doctor — to the point that, when the Doctor confessed that he'd been the one to release the evil demons over the summer, and the Scoobies had tried to tear him apart for it, Buffy had stepped in. Tried to take the blame and punishment for him. Insisted it was all her fault, that she was the one they should tear apart. (And was that really mind control? It had to be, right?)

"Come along, Buffy," Giles said. "Let's get you to bed."

He and Xander tried to lead Buffy away, back to the dorm room, but Buffy was very clearly having none of it. She whined louder, and flailed against Giles and Xanders' grips. "More Fuzzy," she complained.

"No, Buffy," said Xander. "No fuzziness. Think sleep. How about that? Sleep is a very good idea."

Buffy frowned, but gave a little yawn, and seemed to settle down a little.

The Doctor looked on a few moments longer, then hung his head, and turned to go.

Buffy noticed. Her eyes narrowed, and with one almighty thrust, she yanked herself free from Xander and Giles, and charged at the Doctor. He spun around as he saw her coming, and seemed just as surprised as Giles and Xander had been. Buffy leapt on top of him, so that he toppled to the ground, and curled her head into his chest, clutching him by the shirt. "No leave," she insisted.

"Not leaving," the Doctor agreed. "Not at the moment. Although I suppose I probably should, given that your friends are here and they don't really like me all that much."

Buffy looked up at him, curiously, studying him, Willow thought. She reached up her hand to touch his cheek, and the moment they touched, it was like… something happened between them, something Willow didn't even begin to understand. But there was some major, major sparkage going on. On both sides.

The Doctor caught Buffy's hand in his own, and pulled it away. Buffy frowned, looking from their clasped hands to the Doctor's face.

"Elizabeth, you don't really want—" He was cut off, as Buffy pressed her lips back to his.


	7. Chapter 7

Xander, Giles, and Willow stared, their jaws dropping. Okay, maybe not that nonconsensual.

"Maybe… we should just leave them to it," said Willow.

"It's a mind thing," Xander insisted. "He's making her do it. Getting inside her head." He pointed at them. "That's not Buffy."

Willow wasn't so sure.

The Doctor gently pulled Buffy out of the kiss, his hands on the side of her head, their foreheads resting against one another.

"Bright," said Buffy. "Like sun." Willow thought she could see the hint of tears in Buffy's eyes. "Make Buffy bright, too?"

"I'm sorry," said the Doctor. "I am so, so sorry about this." He closed his eyes, and Buffy gasped — and that was so not an innocent gasp, or the kind of gasp that Willow felt Buffy should be making in public like this. Then Buffy seemed puzzled, but before she could say anything, her eyes closed, and she slumped across the Doctor, unconscious. The Doctor opened his eyes, and caught her as she drooped, holding her in his arms.

"What—?" started Willow, not sure whether to feel relieved or angry.

"I just put her into a trance," he explained. "It'll help her heal faster. Shrug off whatever it is she's ingested."

"And you just waltzed into her head," said Xander. "Without asking. And did something that… I don't even want to think about. But you knew it was bad enough that you had to apologize to her for it." He crossed his arms. "Go on. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you didn't take advantage of her."

The Doctor faltered, but didn't deny it. He laid sleeping Buffy down on the ground, and stepped away from her, looking supremely guilty.

Willow felt her rage build up inside of her. Oh, that was it! She had been willing to give the Doctor the benefit of the doubt, but now that he'd practically admitted it…. Willow decided she'd had enough of this alien scumbag. Taking over Buffy's head so he could have sex with her? Yuck, yuck, major yuck!

"How could you?" Willow asked. "How could you do that to someone? How could you do that to Buffy?"

"Don't you go saying you're sorry," Xander said, at the same time. "Sorry isn't going to cut it. Not this time."

"After all the harm you caused last summer," Giles snapped, at the same time as Willow and Xander, "Buffy still believed in you. She was willing to lay down her life for you. And _this_ is how you repay her!"

"Wait a tic," said the Doctor. "Last summer? What'd I do last summer?"

"Oh, I don't know," said Xander. "Try nearly destroying the world!"

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like me," he said.

"It sure sounded like you, when you said, 'it was me,'" said Xander. "And in case you're wondering, we know it wasn't a demon taking your shape or possessing you or anything. Buffy said she knew you were yourself, and she's always right about that sort of thing."

The Doctor pondered this. "What did I do?"

"You released the Trio of Hell to reign chaos and devastation upon the Earth for a thousand years," said Giles. "And we still haven't managed to track them down. Do you have any idea what that means?"

The Doctor broke into a wide smile. "Oh, the Trio of Hell!" he cried. "I remember that! Blimey, that was a while ago. But that was brill…" His smile fell off his face. "I'm… not helping, am I?"

"I think it would be best," Giles told him, "if you left."

The Doctor gave an awkward nod, straightened his tie, and put back on his coat. "Yes," he said. "Right. Probably should look for my key, at any rate. And the sonic. Not good things to leave lying around—"

Giles thrust the key and Annoyinator (sonic?) at him. "Leave," he commanded. "And if you value your own life, never, _ever_ come back."

The Doctor took the objects, and nodded. He turned around, his hands in his trouser pockets, and headed off towards the blue box. Willow hoped they'd never see him again.

But she knew they would.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: At the end of this chapter, read the stuff Buffy says, initially, about the Trio of Hell again. I bet it makes more sense, now.

I like this chapter quite a lot. I think it's quite sweet, and it just seems so exactly what the Buffy would do, and what the Doctor would do. Plus, it takes a Dr. Who cliche and spins it on its head, which I like doing.

* * *

><p>"Willow?"<p>

The dorm windows burst with radiant morning sunlight, and Willow jumped out of her seat when she heard the voice. She had been waiting for Buffy to wake up. Okay, Willow. Buffy's up, now. Time to look your normal, cheery self, and not let on that you nearly let her get raped by an alien crazy-guy last night. Except not _too_ cheery, because Buffy almost certainly has a hangover.

"Good morning," Willow whispered. "How are you feeling?"

Buffy sat up on the bed, looking around herself in vague confusion. She snapped her eyes back to Willow. "Why with the whisper?" she asked, also in a whisper.

Willow tried to look self-assured. "Well, just, with the hangover and everything, I thought, you know. No loud noises."

Buffy frowned. "What hangover?"

Willow felt a sudden twinge of fear inside her. Oh, no. She'd known that the Doctor had done something to Buffy. It hadn't just been a healing trance or anything — he'd messed with her. Maybe this was part of some sort of evil, diabolical plan of his. (Hang on, what kind of evil diabolical plan revolved around making Buffy not feel hung over in the morning?)

Buffy stared down at her clothes. "I slept in my clothes."

"Yeah, sorry," said Willow.

"And they're all sooty." Buffy ran a hand through her hair. "Willow, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I didn't… go all cave-Slayer last night, did I?"

"Um, you might have," said Willow.

Buffy froze. "And then there was a fire," she continued, her voice very flat.

"Yeah, and you saved my life," said Willow.

"And I hit Parker over the head," said Buffy.

Willow grinned. She'd liked that part.

"And then I went home, and there was that little extra thing in my Slayer senses, and I…" Buffy's breathing became shorter, more panicky. "Which means all the rest of it was true, too."

"Buffy, I can explain," said Willow. "I didn't want to let you out, but you're, I mean, you're really strong, and then I couldn't find you, so I got some help, and by the time we did find you—"

Buffy jumped out of bed, rushing towards the door almost before Willow could register that she'd moved. Willow charged in front of her, blocking her exit.

"Willow, I have to go," said Buffy.

Willow crossed her arms. "No," she said.

"Wills, please, you don't understand."

"I understand," said Willow. "I know exactly where you're going. And I'm not going to let you do it. You're a strong, independent woman, Buffy. You're the best person I know. I'm not going to see someone treat you like garbage!"

"I have to explain," said Buffy. "I have to apologize. If I don't, he'll run away and never come—"

"No!" said Willow. "You're not going anywhere. You're going to stay here and get dressed, and have some of the breakfast I stole for you from the dining hall, and then you're going to let me explain to you all the ways that Parker was an idiot."

"This isn't about Parker!" shouted Buffy.

"I know!" Willow shouted back.

They glared at each other for a few moments, and then Buffy sighed, and gave in.

"It isn't what you think," Buffy started.

"Yeah? Because the Doctor definitely _looked_ all take advantagey and stuff," said Willow. "Being all, let's go into Buffy's mind and get her to kiss me! Let's go into Buffy's mind and make sure she—"

"Willow," said Buffy, very softly. "He didn't go into my mind. _I _went into_ his_."

Willow just stared at her for a second. "But you were all with the smoochies and…"

"Yeah," said Buffy. "And he kept asking me to stop."

Willow was starting to feel like her brain was going to explode from the complete nonsense-making of the whole thing. "No!" she insisted. "I know what I saw. He was into it, and you were just… all drugged out and stuff. He was taking advantage of you, and you can't blame yourself whenever some guy's being a jerk. It's not always your—"

"It was my fault," said Buffy. "I mean, I think it was. I don't know exactly what I was doing, but I wasn't trying — I'd never want to make someone… you know. It wasn't like that, at first. It just… turned into that. I don't even know how." She took a deep breath, trying to work it all out in her mind. "I think, at first, it was just… I felt so lonely, and he was there, but he was far away. I wanted… I needed him closer. I remember that. I remember… I needed to make sure he stayed." Buffy scrunched up her face in thought, trying to process the memories. "And then he got all sad, and I wanted to make him happy. And… I don't even know how or why, but somehow, I got into his head. Way, way deep into his head. And it was… beautiful." She looked up at Willow, and her eyes sparkled with the memory. "Amazing."

"I don't—"

"He's sunshine," Buffy told Willow. "In his mind. He's sunshine and starlight and that wonderful feeling you get when you realize how glad you are to be alive. And the moment I entered, the moment I saw… everything he is, I didn't want to let go." She looked away from Willow. "And it was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it, and I know that, but…" She drifted off, and gave a small laugh. "I still can't. Let him go, I mean."

Willow stared at Buffy, trying to understand everything Buffy was telling her. Trying to make sense of it. Except… it _didn't_ make sense. It couldn't make sense! She gave a frown and shook her head, not moving from her spot blocking the door. "Yeah? Well if he's all starlight and hope and wonderful things, what about last year, with the Mayor's Ascension?"

"You mean when I got kidnapped and chained up and nearly eaten by the Concurrence," said Buffy, "and he saved me?"

"Only because you saved him!" said Willow. "You said, after that, he threatened you, tricked you, wiped your mind, and then tried to convince you to ditch the world and run off with him."

"That's not what happened!" Buffy protested. She hesitated. "Okay, that _is_ what happened. But he was really nice about it."

"And," Willow continued, "the Doctor never told us anything useful about the Ascension. In fact, he refused to help us out even when we needed him, and you know that if he'd at least stuck around, a lot fewer people would have died!"

"That wasn't his fault," said Buffy.

"Just like the Trio of Hell wasn't his fault, either?" Willow asked.

"It wasn't!" Buffy protested. "It was mine. You guys weren't supposed to find out about the Trio of Hell. If you'd just kept out of the way, like you were supposed to, then no one would ever have had to know, and everything would have been—"

"You can't just keep making excuses for him!" Willow exclaimed. "Buffy, you've been acting weird around him ever since this summer. It's like you're not yourself when you're around him. You start getting all… I don't know. Weird, and crazy and—"

"Happy?" Buffy asked.

"But not Buffy happy," Willow said. "Sort of… releasing evil monsters happy."

Buffy folded her arms across her chest. "Maybe I don't care about the monsters," Buffy muttered into the ground. "Has anyone ever thought of that?"

"Look, Buffy," said Willow. "I don't know how well he's hypnotized you, but you've got to face the facts. You're not the kind of person who summons evil demons. But you protected the Doctor after he did that whole Trio of Hell thing, maybe even helped him bring the Trio here in the first place, and now, you're more angry at us for finding out than you are at him for releasing them."

"He didn't release the Trio of Hell!" Buffy insisted.

"He said he did!" Willow protested. "And all the evidence supports that. Only the Slayer or someone she trusts with her life could open that seal, and we know it wasn't any of the rest of us. Buffy, he summoned them, and now he's laughing at us. Last night, he said it was brilliant."

"Yeah, well it was!" Buffy snapped. "I had a good thing going for me until you guys found out about the Trio of Hell and screwed it all up. I was happy, Will. I was really happy. And now I can't ever do it again, and you all hate the Doctor, and you've got no idea just how much that sucks."

"Buffy, listen to yourself!" Willow cried. "Listen to what you're saying. You sound all villainy and evil and stuff. That's not you! Remember, Buffy? You save people. But now, you won't even look for the Trio of Hell, even though they're out killing—"

"There was _never_ any Trio of Hell!" Buffy shouted, her hands clenching into fists by her side. "No Demon of Atrozine! No Demon of Tchinolothica! No Singing Sister! Don't you get it, Willow? _No one_ summoned the demons, because they don't exist! I made them up!"

Willow stopped mid sentence, her mouth hanging open.

Buffy breathed, heavily. She couldn't meet Willow's eyes, as tangled hair draped across her face, leaving her eyes in shadow. "I found the names in Giles' books," she said. "I was just trying to find the most dangerous group of evil monsters I could. I'd been doing it all summer, and you guys never found out. I didn't even read the parts on how to summon the demons, just the parts I needed so I could fake everything. It wasn't like I even knew that the Trio of Hell could only be released by the Slayer or her friends — not until Giles brought it up. I just—"

"But the Trio of Hell was real!" Willow insisted. "We found all those footprints and claw marks and stuff, remember? And then we found that extra little black stuff that they spit at people just before they kill and eat…"

That was when it struck Willow. What she'd overlooked. What had been bothering her. Because the three demons were called the Trio of Hell. And Giles said they were going to reign destruction on Earth. But all that time…

"The Trio of Hell never actually killed anyone," Willow said.

Buffy looked down at the ground.

Oh, and now Willow could see it, so very clearly. The footprints had all been a little too well sculpted, hadn't they? The claw marks a little too exacto-knifey. And that black stuff had smelled a lot like licorice.

Willow stared at Buffy. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I was going to," she said. "But it all just… I mean, when Giles read that stuff about how the only person who could unleash the Trio of Hell was someone I trusted with my life, I sort of… froze up. And then you all started yelling at each other, and it blew up into a whole big fight, with the blame and the finger pointing and the accusations, and the only thing you seemed really sure of was that I didn't release them, and… I didn't know what to do! I didn't know how to make you stop! I was going to say something about how I'd made them up, but… the Doctor sort of got in first."

And blamed himself. And they'd all been so ready to believe it. It was so convenient for them. Here was someone else Buffy trusted with her life. Someone outside the Scoobies, someone they could blame without feeling guilty. Someone they could hate without destroying any friendships. He'd given them the bait, and they'd gobbled it up like greedy little fishies.

(The Doctor lies, Buffy had said — so, so many times. The Doctor always lies.)

"He told me not to tell you about the whole making it up thing," Buffy continued. "He said you'd all work it out, eventually, and by the time you did, you'd just think it was funny. And I told him I had to, that you'd hate him forever if I didn't, but… he just kind of shrugged and said that it was better this way. That he was the only person who could take the blame without tearing the Scoobies apart. That this was the only solution that would let me keep my friends. And he told me that as long as I had you guys, it didn't really matter what happened to him." She ventured a glance up at Willow. "Do you see, now, Will? Do you get it? That's who the Doctor really is. And that's why I can't ever, _ever_ let him go."

Willow took a few seconds — maybe even minutes — to process this.

All of it.

What Buffy had said, what she'd done, what the Doctor had done, and what Willow, herself, had done. What had really happened that summer. What that meant. And it was like… suddenly everything Buffy was saying about the Doctor fit. Everything made sense.

Because Willow _hadn't_ understood. Not even remotely. She'd seen the Doctor as a great being of power, as some cosmic judge who smote those he deemed unworthy, as some remote deity who either saved or condemned the Earth and its humans for his own amusement. Whether Willow had thought he was good or evil (and she'd never been quite clear on that, either), she'd always been sure that the Doctor was one of those three things — if not all of them. Except… he wasn't. Not any more than Buffy. No, Willow had _never_ understood the Doctor, not in any way, shape, or form.

Now, finally, she thought she was starting to.

"But Buffy," said Willow. "You fight monsters from Hell all the time, and you hate it more than anything. Why would you try to make up more monsters to fight?"

"I didn't want to fight monsters!" Buffy snapped. "That was why I had to make them up. Because I hate fighting monsters. But if the Super-Big-Bads were just imaginary, I could wander around with him, pretending to fight monsters, and he wouldn't have to leave. I could make him stay a little bit longer."

"But—"

"Don't you get it?" Buffy demanded. "Doesn't anyone ever understand? Why can't people see this? It isn't about the monsters. It was never about the monsters! But you can't have one without the other!" She slumped down onto the bed. "And I was stupid enough to think I could."

"Can't have one without the other?" Willow asked. "One what? What can't you have without the monsters?"

Buffy stared, determinedly, at the floor by her feet. "Not what," she said. "Who."


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: And we get to the end of this story! I loved this story. I hope you all loved it, too. Onwards and upwards to Buffy meets the Daleks! Look for "My Weapon" (Buffy + 11).

* * *

><p>Buffy found the Doctor, as per usual, talking. He was speaking rapidly and animatedly to one of the physics professors, trying to explain something really complicated sounding. Or maybe he was trying to refute something really complicated sounding. Or maybe he was just making things up. The physics professor seemed to think so. The physics professor cut the Doctor off, and said that he didn't have time for this, he had a class to teach. And left.<p>

That was when the Doctor saw her. He stood there, just outside the lecture hall, his mouth open, but not able to say a word.

"You stayed," said Buffy. "Even without… evil monsters trying to destroy the world. You stayed."

The Doctor blinked, then gave her a smile. "Well, course I did!" he said. "Place like this. Brilliant young minds, churning away. Human. Well, I say human. Mostly human. Met this lovely fellow from Albanotarzani Minor, here on a research grant. Absolutely brilliant, although he does have this mad idea that tachyon acceleration engines are somehow inferior to hyperspacial integration engines. Honestly. Didn't believe it myself. I mean, think about it a tic. Harnessing potential time energy like that and then spreading it through—"

"Doctor," Buffy interrupted him.

The Doctor tensed. "You… didn't come here to discuss tachyon acceleration engines?"

"Not exactly," said Buffy. "I just think we should probably talk. About… you know."

"Ah," said the Doctor. "That."

"Unless you…?"

"No, no!" said the Doctor. "We… talk. Love to talk. Brilliant, talking. Absolutely. Specially this time around. Got a bit of a gob on me this time around. And I love to say all sorts of interesting words, like armadillo. Don't you love that? Armadillo. Or foreign words. Molto bene! Italians, you've got to love the Italians. Absolutely spectacular—"

"I was sort of thinking we should talk somewhere else," said Buffy, looking at the crowd of people around them. "Somewhere… quieter. More private."

Now the Doctor looked downright nervous. "Yes, right, private," said the Doctor. "Amazing concept, privacy. Went back to the Middle Ages with Donna, once — she couldn't understand why the Tardis wouldn't translate the word. Course, back in those days, nothing was private, not even the loo, which upset Donna right well, and she—"

Buffy decided she was never going to shut him up when he was this nervous, so she grabbed him and led him into an empty room. She turned to face him.

"Look, about last night—"

"I know," said the Doctor. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"No, I'm sorry," said Buffy. "I didn't, either… I mean, I did, but I shouldn't have…. Look, all I'm saying is, I know this is all my fault, and I'm really sorry about it."

The Doctor just stared at her. "Your fault?"

"Well, I pushed you into it, didn't I?" asked Buffy. "I mean, I don't know exactly what I did, but I know what effect it had on you, and I'm not sure you could help yourself."

"What you did was impossible," said the Doctor. "Completely impossible! I told you before, you're not a telepath, not like that. Whatever you'd been drugged with must have upset the balance between your… Slayer self and your human self. When I arrived, that must have set off a primal reaction. You were just acting on instinct, really."

Buffy blinked. "Huh?"

"It's a quirk in telepathic species," said the Doctor. "When there's only two left, and the genders are… compatible…." He shrugged. "Primal telepathic reaction. Make sure the species survives. As I said — instinct."

Buffy felt her face turn red. "So all that was just… an automatic response," she said. "It didn't mean anything."

"You're not to blame," said the Doctor. "You didn't understand what was happening. I should have stopped it."

Buffy was on the point of tears. She wanted to run out the door and slam it in his face. Was it really nothing to him? Just an automatic reaction to knowing there was only one other female telepathic response still in existence? An automatic program in his brain that made him see her as a baby-making machine and not a person?

"So you do this with all the Slayers?" asked Buffy. "You feel them in your head, and you just…"

She stopped, as she remembered. None of the other Slayers had this extra little thing in their heads that let them know the Doctor was around. Just her. And that was another thing — the Doctor didn't feel her presence in his head, either. The automatic response had been triggered in her.

It hadn't been triggered in him.

"Oh," said Buffy.

"As I said," said the Doctor. "I'm sorry."

"Well, I mean, if that whole thing was just you, maybe we could…?" Buffy asked.

"We can't."

"No," said Buffy, quickly. "Not that. I mean, just…" She faltered. If she asked him out on a date… what if he just bolted? What if he freaked out, and never saw her again? She could see him doing that. How could she phrase this so that it worked?

"We're friends," the Doctor insisted. "I'm sorry, but that's all it can ever be."

"Is… it because of me?" Buffy asked. "Am I…?"

"Elizabeth," the Doctor told her. "You're brilliant. Always. But I've been given a second chance. And I'm doing things right, this time. This is as far as we can ever take things."

Buffy stared at him, for a second, confused. And then it clicked. Oh. _Oh_. That… wasn't exactly what Jack had thought, was it?

"How close were we, in the other timeline?" asked Buffy.

"Close," said the Doctor. He paused, then added, "Very close."

And that's what he'd meant last night, about how he'd hurt her. Because he was afraid it would happen again. That he'd 'destroy' her the way he 'destroyed' Elizabeth. Whatever that meant.

Buffy stared down at the floor. "I really do miss you," she said. "When you leave. And it's not because of, you know, the telepathic thing, or any romantic thing. I just… miss you."

"I can't—"

"I know," said Buffy, looking back up at him. "You can't stay, and I can't leave. Can't escape destiny."

The Doctor gave a short, humorless laugh. "Suppose not."

"Do you miss…" Buffy faltered. She wanted to ask him if he missed her, but she thought that kind of question might scare him away. "…Elizabeth?" Buffy corrected. "You know. The other-me?"

The Doctor sighed. "I missed her long before she ever left."

"What… happened?" asked Buffy. "I mean, I know about the destroying and stuff, but what… what happened in 2003?"

"How do you know about 2003?" the Doctor asked.

"The Concurrence-you told me," said Buffy. "He said Elizabeth found out everything in 2003."

The Doctor said nothing for a long moment. "There were some horrible, horrible things that happened," he said, at long last. "Some truly terrible things. A lot of people died. People who didn't deserve to die." He took a shaky breath. "Elizabeth was there. Twice. Earlier her saw enough to know… well, what I did. She was willing…" He sighed. "She was willing to kill me over it, I suppose."

"She blamed you?" asked Buffy.

"She was right," said the Doctor. "It was my fault. What happened. The town. The deaths. Her. Everything."

"I can't believe that," said Buffy. "I know you too well for that. You might be all guilt-trippy, but you always do the right thing."

"Sometimes."

"Not everything in the universe is your fault," Buffy insisted.

"No," said the Doctor. "Not everything is my fault. But this one was."

"As long as you're blaming yourself for an entire other timeline," said Buffy, "and throwing in pretty much every other bad thing that's ever happened in this timeline, can I go ahead and take the blame for last night?"

"But you're not even responsi…." He looked up at her. "You're making fun of me."

Buffy put a mock horrified expression on her face. "I'd never!"

"Well," said the Doctor, "before you mock, remember this. _I_ wasn't the one trying to stake the Tardis last night."

"Okay, that made sense," said Buffy. "I mean, in a sort of cave-womany not-exactly-logical kind of way. It's just… I mean, the Tardis… she's always—"

"Taking me away," said the Doctor. "I know."

"—in your head," Buffy continued. "And I'm… not. And that really, really bothered me for some reason. Because... I know it's wrong, but I like having you in my head. You're warm and fuzzy and nice. And last night, when I got into your head, it was just amazing and I didn't want to leave and… why does your head look so bright, anyways?"

"It's my mind," said the Doctor. "The neurotransmitters fire across the synapses too rapidly for you to process, and your mind blanks out the informational overload into what you might think of as white light. When you used the Dalek Infiltration device, it wouldn't have looked like that. The weapon would have compensated."

"No, but… when I went into your head, it was more than that," Buffy said. "Just… being in there, seeing all that light and hearing all that music, I felt… I don't even know how to describe it. And then, at the end, when you went into my mind at the same time as I was in yours, it was just… I've never felt that way before, I mean, not unless I'm…" Buffy's face turned red, as she realized. "Oh, my God. That was mind-sex. I had mind-sex with you!"

"It wasn't."

"Huh?"

"It wasn't… close to that." He considered. "Well, it was close, but it wasn't… that."

"You mean there's more?" asked Buffy. She felt her face get a shade redder. "What's the next part?"

The Doctor scratched his ear. "It's — why are we talking about this? It's not—"

"—going to happen," said Buffy. "I know." She paused. "If I say I'm academically curious, will you tell me what happens next?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Absolutely not."

"There have to be other telepathic species out there," Buffy argued. "What if I run into one of them, and they try to… you know? Take advantage?"

"Then you call Captain Jack," said the Doctor. "He's the expert on that sort of thing."

"Captain Jack is an expert on telepathic sex monsters?" asked Buffy.

"Quite probably."

Buffy considered. "Yeah, okay," she said. "I could see that." She raised her eyebrows at him. "But you'd better hope I don't. Because if I tell Jack I almost had mind-sex with you, he's going to want serious details."

The Doctor sighed. "He would," he said. "Fifty first century human. That's what you're all like by then."

Buffy felt her jaw drop. "You mean the future of humanity is… Parker?"

"Can't say," said the Doctor. "Never met Parker."

"But Jack's not like…" Buffy trailed off. Okay, maybe he was a little less superficial than Parker, but he was still seriously flirty and, judging by his stories, not one for monogamous relationships. "I mean, he cares about people and stuff. Parker's just… you know. Parker."

"Well, Jack was a little rougher around the edges when I first met him," said the Doctor. "Tell you what, though. This Parker of yours ever tries to turn the human race into gas mask zombies, give me a call, and I'll set him straight."

"I'll keep that in mind," said Buffy. She gave a small shudder. "It's just… creepy. That we turn into… you know. I mean, if I had to choose between a future of super-flirty Parkers and battling telepathic sex monsters, I'd choose the sex monsters."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her.

Buffy bit her lip, and looked away. "Sorry, how'd we get on this topic?"

"Not a clue."

"Can we change it?"

"I'm rather partial to the subject of tachyon acceleration engines, myself," said the Doctor. "I mean, really, do you have any idea of the amounts of power required to—"

"Can we change it to something I actually know about?" asked Buffy, glancing back at him.

The Doctor paused. "Oh," he said. He gave her a sideways smile. "Have you been looking up more names in Giles' books?"

Buffy's face went even redder than before. She must look like a tomato, now.

"How long did you know?" she asked. "That I was making them up, I mean."

"Oh, since the Demon of Uncarthongal, I should think," said the Doctor.

"So… since the very beginning," said Buffy.

"Don't feel too bad," said the Doctor. "I'm a bit of a genius. And I happen to know that the Demon of Uncarthongal is caught in a time loop on the other side of the universe right now." He gave a wink that told Buffy just who, exactly, had been the one to trap the demon there in the first place.

"Then why did you stay?" asked Buffy, scarcely daring to meet his eyes. "Why'd you help me track down the made-up monsters, if you knew they weren't real?"

"Aw, well, I had to, didn't I? You'd put in so much time and effort!" the Doctor said. "Couldn't let good work go to waste. And besides. I got up to all sorts of trouble on my own when you weren't looking. I'm very good at sticking my nose into things that are none of my business."

But Buffy could tell from the way he stood, his posture a little too tense, his eyes a little too fixated on her, that it was more than that. The same way she also knew that the Doctor would never, ever admit it.

"Tell you what, though," said the Doctor. "Nice little town like this teaming with interdimensional sorts — there's got to be all sorts of actual, non-made-up trouble around, if you know where to look. And it would certainly make your life easier, having a bit of help." He extended his hand to her. "What do you say?"

"Are you asking me to save the world with you?" Buffy asked.

The Doctor scoffed. "Save the world?" said the Doctor. "I bet you five pounds we can save at least a galaxy by lunchtime."

Buffy took his hand. "Fine," she said. "As long as you're the one buying lunch."

The Doctor grinned at her, a twinkle in his eye. And Buffy knew that things were going to be okay. Even if the world nearly ended and time nearly collapsed and monsters nearly tore them apart, things would still be okay. Because it wasn't about the monsters.

For either of them.

Together, hand in hand, they walked into the sunlight.

* * *

><p>The End<p> 


End file.
